Random Chaos of Randomness
by Captain Catastrophe 2
Summary: The story is, simply: Death and chaos! Review! T for cursing and such. Chapter 4 is up!
1. Chapter 1

Sakura's Revenge!

CC2: Here's a change of pace! A friend of mine, who'd like to be called Revengematron3, couldn't make a Fanfiction account (e-mail problem, I haven't a clue).

Alastor: The reason he can't is 'cause he sucks!

CC2: Quite slave! You have no say in this!

Alastor: I'm not your slave, you midget!

CC2: (throws a bone)

Alastor: Mine! (Chases the flying bone)

CC2… well, it'll keep him away… now let's get this story started!

Disclaimer: This story belongs to Revengematron3, and I am posting this story for him due to problems with registration. Neither of us own Naruto, or anything copyrighted in this story. If we did, chances are we'd be in a hot tub with other characters, enjoying the luxuries of life.

Chapter 1

"NARUTO!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH! I SAID I WAS SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME SAKURA-CHAN!"

Well, as always, Naruto got on Sakura's nerves. This time due to his lack of reasoning on the aspect of what was edible and what was not. Naruto had picked out some berries on a mission and had given them to Sakura. Since she was in an extremely good mood (and the fact that she thought Sasuke was the one who had picked the berries out) she ate them. Later, Kakashi informed Sakura on the fact that the berries were, in fact, poisonous. After a quick trip to Tsunade's office, she was ready to kill. Specifically, Naruto.

Poor Naruto ran as fast as he could to an alley, hoping to escape Sakura's wrath. He ran into the nearest trashcan and went in. It was surprisingly clean but that was not the point! Naruto put a hand to his ear as he tried to hear if Sakura was close.

"NARUTO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR SPIKY LITTLE HAIR AND STUFF IT HALFWAY DOWN YOUR THROAT! THEN I'LL SQUISH YOUR LEGS SO TIGHT AND PULL YOUR NOSE SO MUCH YOU'LL LOOK LIKE AN UGLY BIRD!"

… Such a nice thought.

Although Naruto still had to contemplate on whether or not she was close, everyone in the village knew her voice could be heard for miles sometimes. Naruto, being the object of Sakura's wrath many times, cowered at the thought of Sakura finding him. So he did what he always did when he was in a jam.

Get Ichiraku ramen!

And since Naruto was the best at conniving anything cunning (or so he believed) the over zealous ninja would be able to easily get there. But how? Sakura was pretty good at spotting things, especially things she was intent on killing. Unless he could go POOF before she hit him and vanish like an illusion he didn't have any hope. And Sakura would've known if he used an illusion. But that's when the idea came to him. Then _don't_ use an illusion…

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Sakura had been searching for an hour after Naruto but was now getting tired. She had no idea where he could be. For all she knew he could be out of the village. She sighed. Maybe she should give up?

"GYAHAHAHAHA!"

Sakura knew that laugh anywhere. She turned and saw Naruto grinning ear to ear even though he was standing in front of the one who was going to make him meet his doom. She smiled… then started to shriek and wave her fists at him, intent on death.

"GYAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Naruto kept laughing, not even scared. This enraged Sakura more making her throw random things such as bicycles and innocent puppies at Naruto.

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Five hours… five _long_ hours. That was how long Sakura had been chasing Naruto down. After Sakura had run out of people to throw at Naruto things started to just get tedious. And Naruto's laughing wasn't helping much. But Naruto was getting tired, and a lot faster than her. That didn't make sense though since he had more stamina than her.

Naruto suddenly stopped, looking beat. Sakura was right behind him and ready to kill. Naruto turned to her and grinned. Something was definitely off…

"Oh, Naruto," Sakura said innocently, hiding her desire to send him into the seven circles of hell, "I have a surprise for you."

Sakura had managed to get her hands on an iron pole (don't ask how) and somehow managed to hide it behind her back (even though it was like, 6 feet long). She was inching slowly and dangerously to Naruto who was still grinning.

"Oh, Naruto…" Sakura had more malice in her voice now, "… DIE!" She thrust her pole at Naruto's head, intending on at least taking out an eye…

…only to hit a puff of smoke!

Then it dawned on her. He was using a shadow clone to distract her. This was not good…

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Naruto (the real one) was happily eating ramen at Ichiraku ramen, thinking he avoided Sakura's demonic wrath. He gulped down another mouthful of ramen before hearing the owner talk to him.

"Hey, where's that Sakura girl?"

Naruto nearly choked his ramen at the question. "She's… trying to kill me somewhere else," Naruto said, some ramen falling from his mouth. The owner cocked an eyebrow.

"Uhhh… she's trying to kill you? And somewhere else?" Naruto nodded.

"I created a shadow clone and sent it out there to distract Sakura while I eat here! Clever, huh? I gave it a lot of chakra to stay solid for a long time. But I still don't know when it's going to disappear from lack of chakra," Naruto explained. He took one more mouthful of ramen before drinking the rest of the broth. Naruto smiled and added the bowl to the large pile next to him. "Well, see yah!" He was on his way to leave.

"Wait! You have to pay first!" yelled the owner.

"Oh, right." Naruto dug into his pockets and took out his frog wallet then opened it…

… Only to find it empty.

"Uhhhh…"

"NA… RU… TO!"

Uh-oh, he knew that demonic, sadistic, and furious voice. Suddenly a wild Sakura who seemed to have lost the little bit of humanity left in her jumped out of nowhere and bit Naruto's ear.

"OOOOOOUUUUCH!" Naruto then proceeded to panic and run around in circles like a little girl. "I'M SORRY SAKURA-CHAN! REALLY, I AM! OUCH! MY EAR IS NOT EDIBLE!" The owner and his daughter began to beat on Sakura with random utensils, mistaking her for some monster/demon/wild animal/thing. And then, by some insane miracle (which was probably caused by a well placed chopstick to Sakura's eye and nose) Sakura let go. By the end of it Naruto was in the middle of the road, Sakura on one end, the Ichiraku family on the other.

Naruto had to think fast. On one hand, he could run to the Ichirukas and try to pay off a very long dept, or run to Sakura—the one who he loved but the one who would also kill him… and in an _extremely_ horrible and painful way to boot. So which one?

Hmm… demon Sakura or the _nice_ Ichirukas?

…

What was he, nuts!

Naruto made a dramatic leap to salvation, or in this case, the Ichirukas. Hey, at least he'd **live!** He was almost there, until a hand grabbed his neck and before he knew it, was being dragged somewhere in the woods where no one would hear him scream.

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Tsunade was tired. And annoyed. Being Hokage wasn't a walk in the park. Unless that park had paper all over the place. There was paper in the door, on the window, on the walls, on the cat, Shizune was covered in sticky notes, and pieces of a piece treaty were sticking to Tsunade's feet. It wasn't exactly an organized place.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Oh no…

"HELP MEEEEEEE!'

That was…

"SHE'S RIPPING MY EYES RIGHT OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS!"

Again?

"MY LEGS! THEY'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE!

Yep. Again.

Tsunade sighed. She opened a secret drawer in her desk and pressed a big red button that said, "Do not press unless it is an emergency." Several moments later Shino, Kiba, Lee, Kakashi, Jaraiya, Neji, and Shikamaru were all lined up in front of her desk.

"Well, you know the drill," Tsunade said, standing up since she had to go with them too, after all, this was a dangerous mission. Everyone gave an annoyed sigh and went off to save Naruto from his painful death. Later, newspaper reports would say that there were no survivors…

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CC2: It's over! Wait, Alastor hasn't arrived yet! Freedom! (Throws a party) Quick folks, review before he gets back!

Alastor: (in Africa, torturing a civilian over a bone) All right you, hand it over!

Civilian: American slime! (Whaps Alastor on head with a bread roll)

Alastor: OW!


	2. Chapter 2

Jy! Jy! It's Jy!

CC2: Chappy 2 already? Damn, Revengematron3 is too quick! I can't keep up!

Alastor: Where's the bone?

CC2: (takes out another bone, throws it)

Alastor: Bark! (Runs after it)

CC2: Hey dumbass! Fly! Oh well, once again, let's take a moment and thank the work of Revengematron3! Yay… I'm talking so quietly nobody can hear…

Disclaimer: This story is another work of Revengematron3. I do not own him or Naruto. If I owned Revengematron3 or Naruto, they'd all be my personal slaves, instead of Alastor.

Chapter 2

It was a nice day. The flowers were chirping, the birds were blooming, the warthogs were having a tea party, and the rich guys were covered in mud. Yep. Nothing was out of place. There was nothing that could disturb such peace. Except for that **FLAMING RED BALL OF DOOM COMING FROM THE SKY!**

Oh wait, that was Sakura, never mind. I thought it was Naruto. What I should've said was…

**_OH MY GOD! WE'RE GOING TO DIE! OH MY F#! GOD! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!_**

There, that about sums it up. But this chapter isn't going to be about her killing streak. No matter how bloody, humorous, or interesting it is. It's going to be about…

DUM DUM DUM! Jaraiya!

I get shot.

Hey! Jaraiya (who will now be called Jy) is very funny! Even if he is a pervert.

Jy, insulted, chose to finally say something.

"I am a very good character to write about! But "Jy" IS NOT MY NAME!"

Yes it is, moving on…

Jy was on top of a roof of a house (well, DUH!) scouting for "Research data" with no luck at all. Jy decided to go and find Tsunade because… well, because he was bored. It didn't take long to get there since he was, of course, a (sigh) legendary sannin! Which I will now refer to as sandwich.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" yelled Jy, obviously upset.

I said sandwich, again, moving on…

Jy was now very mad. "Why do you talk without those quotation marks?"

Because of my powers as an author, now shut up.

Tsunade was still in bandages after last chapter. Unfortunately, no one survived. But because of the whole lack of characters, plot, my powers, and fudge, they were brought back to life… very messed up, but still alive. (But Sakura kept killing Naruto so that was getting tedious. In fact, she's still doing it right now! I think I'm just going to stop her extra evilness in this fic… for now.)

Jy smashed through the window right out of the blue with the mission impossible theme song playing. "Hey!" Unfortunately, Tsunade had a bad day, being so banged up and all, and was VERY angry. She immediately started to poke Jy with a hickory stick, which popped out of NOWHERE. Jy, unaffected, just sat there… until…

Tsunade's favorite hickory stick broke. Somebody had to die. And Jy was the only one there.

"GRAUGH!"

"AIYAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

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CC2: Well, what'd you think?

Alastor: (bone in mouth) Sucks! Sucks!

CC2: What? I can't hear you with that bone in your maw!

Alastor: (takes out sword) Die!

CC2: (pulls out shovel)

Alastor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Proceeds to run for his demonic life)

CC2: Thank you, bloody shovel! Review folks!


	3. Chapter 3

Ignoring a Pizza!

CC2: Sorry for the crappy title of the chapter… it was my idea… but this chapter is brought to you by… Revengematron3!

Alastor: When will he end?

CC2: (takes something out of a toaster)

Alastor: YUM! Toast! (Runs for the "toast")

CC2: (takes out the bloody and fleshy shovel)

Alastor: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Flies away)

CC2: I really should get this cleaned… oh well. Read and review, or else I'll smack and/or kill you with this shovel!

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, simple as that.

Today, were going to concentrate on Naruto. Why? LOOK AT THE FREAKING TITLE OF THE FREAKING SHOW!

Well actually, it's on the whole " Sasuke and Naruto pairings are NOT okay, right? Yep! But then… why are zombies after me?

"Here's your pizza," said one zombie, holding a pizza box.

YAY! My pizza!

"That'll be one dollar."

Wait… I had to pay?

"Yep."

Hmm… **DIE YOU FUDGING ZOMBIES!**

I Then ProCeDed tO kILl theM. Damn word processor. Now the caps is broken…

Now it works! (That was short lived)

Any who…

Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto were all in the same bridge AGAIN because they had to wait for Kakashi to get there but… yeah. Then…

"HEY! LOOK AT THIS!"

Oh no, it's Naruto again.

"HEY! THE CHAPTER IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME!

No it isn't.

"Whatever," Naruto said, looking back at a computer screen conveniently (although mostly randomly) on the bridge floor.

"What is it?" Sasuke intervened with Sakura clinging on to him.

Naruto was in such a state of horror that he couldn't talk. Sasuke went to the computer screen. After several moments of Sasuke looking into the mysterious depths of the monitor, his eyes widened and his face showed disgust. Sakura got a good view of the screen too. Her reaction was fainting on the floor. The shock was too great for her brain (A VERY messed up brain, so that says something).

"HI! You see, I was helping an old lady cross the street and…" Kakashi finally came over and was suspecting to be chewed out by Sakura and Naruto. But this time they were gawking at a computer screen (on the floor of a bridge) like it was death. Well, Sakura was unconscious, so she didn't count. "Uhhh… what's going on?"

"THIS is what's going on!" Yelled Naruto and nearly slammed the computer screen into poor Kakashi's face. Kakashi studied it carefully after a few moments and his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"This… this is…!"

"Why are you and Sasuke kissing in this?"

"GYAAAAHHHH!" Konohamaru had chosen a perfectly good time to just _swoop_ right in here, did he?

"Well?" Konohamaru was getting impatient with Naruto. All he wanted was to play with him.

Naruto was mad. I mean _really_ mad. Not nearly as Sakura could, but then again, nobody can. "It's this stupid author! He thinks me and Sasuke are… are…"

Hey, it wasn't _moi_! That's practically half (if not more) of all Naruto fans!

"LIES! ALL LIES!" Naruto was flailing his fists in the air trying to hit the author.

Really? Then go ahead and look at the stories.

And so Naruto looked. (That sounded crappy, now didn't it?)

Naruto was looking and looking all over the stories but most of them were about… about…

"Hey! I found one about me and Sakura!"

"**LIKE HELL!**"

Oh goody, Sakura's awake. All of this is distracting me from my pizza…

Afterwards Sakura was beating Naruto up with a hickory stick (well, it was more like poking) until he was a fluffy mess (yep, no blood! Just fluff!)

"OK, OK," Kakashi intervened, still shaking from _the story_. "Just because it's a story doesn't mean it's true."

Naruto finally got up from his mess (and gathered the necessary fluff) and yelled "YEAH! Why do you think I hit on Sakura all the time?"

Sakura poked him again.

"MY EYES! NOT AGAIN!"

Sasuke was just in the corner, minding his own business. Not that he cared. And Konohamaru? Well…

"Uhhh, leader?" Konohamaru (That's a fudging long name! He will now be called… KMTP!)

"**_WHAT THE F&? THAT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY VOWELS!_**"

And that's what makes it a German name! But okay, I'll call you K.

"What is it, K?" Naruto chimed in.

"Uhhhhh… in this story… why are you and Sasuke taking off each others clothes?"

…

"GYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! You shouldn't be reading that kind of stuff!" Naruto then proceeded to kill—no—Overkill the computer.

Somewhere in the far distance…

JY was angry. Why? Because he believes I misspelled his name. He thinks it should've been Jiraiya instead of Jaraiya. But by now he should now that _I_ make the rules.

"DAMN YOU!" JY the legendary sandwich screamed, deafening all those that were nearby. He made a Rasengan and started to aim it at me (right in front of him to clarify). This destroyed all buildings in his path and brutally killed several children. The babies were maimed.

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love death… oh looky! It's Tsunade again. Tsunade rammed into JY's back (Since she was in an electric wheel chair with her right leg straight out it was more of a kick). He fell out of the roof he was on and died… from a 3 feet fall.

The plot thickens…

… NOT…

So, back at the bridge, Naruto and Sasuke were at either side of the bridge. After that… _story_ (For all those who are brain dead, that's sarcasm) they were too scared to be too close to each other (DAMN THE TO'S AND TOO'S!).

Oh well… I guess I'll just use my author powers to make something interesting happen…

Everyone died (Seriously, it's that easy!).

Well, for you fans how 'bout this? They lived. Ha. Mmm, yummy, pizza's almost done.

Kakashi and K (who were basically plot devices and have very little meaning in this chapter) started swimming with the fishies in the water under the bridge. Cause I said so.

With my final paragraph…

Naruto and Sasuke heard a rumbling sound. A wave of water moved each time with every pound heard. The ground started to shake. Nature was silent. There was a disturbance in the force. Then, in the clearing there was… oh, nothing, just—

**_EVIL YAOI FANS OF NARUTO AND SASUKE COMING STRAIGHT AT THEM!  
_**  
I'm so evil.

They ran, yelling that they were straight while ignoring Sakura who was clinging on Sasuke and screaming the he was hers.

There.

Nobody was hurt during the making of this fic. Everyone was killed during the making of this fic. Pikachu too. Sasuke and Naruto aren't gay. Well, at least in the series… and this fic. That pizza I was eating was good. It obviously died too. Ahem, and the zombies… except me. I'm the author.

**_MAZAKANA!_**

CC2: Ah, Revengematron3 had his time to shine in that last part… showoff…

Alastor: (mouth filled with toast) Bastard!

CC2: Don't speak out of line! (Takes out shovel, whacks Alastor, knocking him out)

Alastor: ...

CC2: That seemed necessary and allowed, ok, review what you want folks! I'm going to put Alastor in the trash, I mean, bed!


	4. Chapter 4

The **_BEACH BUN BURRITO!_** and pain to Pikachu!

CC2: Well folks, this is one hell of a chapter!

Alastor: Does it have ANYTHING to do with Naruto at all?

CC2: … yes… but pain to Pikachu is always a hoot! Can I get a whoop-whoop anybody?

Alastor: Wait, you wrote this?

CC2: No, this is still from the mind of Revengematron3. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Pikachu, or the **_BEACH BUN BURRITO!_** Oh, and yes, Revengematron3 put it in caps like that… because he owns the **_BEACH BUN BURRITO!_** But anyway, if I owned these three things, I'd fence with the burrito, make the Naruto characters re-enact every episode before my eyes, and I'd make Pikachu dance in front of me.

CC2: Now for the story!

Ah, yes. I—the author—can do many things. Like randomly throw meteors at people!

BOOM!

See? Oh, there goes another one!

Other random meteors hit random people. There are also trees, houses, dogs, frogs, innocent children, Mr. T, and Kyuubi.

GASP! How do you hit Kyuubi when he's basically chakra inside of Naruto?

Scratch the silver box to find out!

SCRATCH SCRATCH

(In a muffled scientist voice) Well, you see, first we take Naruto and gag him up in a surgery bed!

"GAH! What the hell are you doing?" Naruto yells hopelessly as he wonders why he's floating in a surgery bed.

We're trying to hit the Kyuubi with a meteor. Now shut up! Anyway, next we take the chainsaw—_if I could find it!_ Pikachu, hand me my chainsaw!

"Pika!" Pikachu looks for the lost chainsaw. After finding it, Pikachu brings it to Revenge. On the way though, it slips and maims itself with the chainsaw by accident.

HAHA! Not even the fluff covering my chainsaw (which came from Pikachu) can ruin my mood now.

"Uhhhhh… what is that thing?"

Curious, I turn to see what Naruto is talking about.

…

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

For there, hidden among the shadows, was a big and round monster. It looked to be rolled up like a burrito and was moving. It's a thing that unrolls and eats people. Very slowly, mind you. It was… it was…

Scroll down for a while to know what the hell it is.

THE **_BEACH BUN BURRITO!_**

So, my arch nemesis, we meet again.

"Grrrrr…"

This time I shall be victorious. Even if my author powers don't work on you!

Naruto gasped being the only one else there. "I really wish I were in your shoes. Then I won't have to get stuck with my fate in this lunatic's hands."

SILENCE!

Then I did something horrible to him. What did I do?

Let's just say that now; Naruto will have to get on my good side if he EVER wants to be a man again. Also, he overlooked the fact that the **_BEACH BUN BURRITO!_** doesn't have shoes.

And in an anticlimactic battle that lasted only two seconds and involved me with a Star Wars looking laser gun…

… And I F&$( lost!

The **_BEACH BUN BURRITO!_** laughed then left, mocking Revengematron3.

I'll kill you damn it!

…

Anyway, as I was saying, we the take the chainsaw and rip Naruto's belly to throw in the meteor to Kyuubi!

"But Kyuubi's in Naruto spiritually not biologically,' stated Pikachu, now alive.

GASP!

What will happen to our heroes now that this new information has been let loose? You'll never get the answer next chapter cause I'm doing this thing randomly! BYE!

MAZAKANA!

CC2: …

Alastor: …

CC2: …

Alastor: …

Pikachu: TALK ALREADY!

CC2: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Alastor: (lies away in shock from the sudden noise)

CC2: Ok, I'll end the story, sheesh…

Pikachu: Wait, I didn't say-

CC2: Screw you! (Whaps Pikachu in the head with a fine-point pencil) Anyway, thanks for reading! Review now please!

Meanwhile, in some place far away, a guy named Kazuki Fiznit was being gagged and maybe even prodded by gangsta cheese puffs.

Kazuki: PLEASE! NO, STOP!

CC2: You wanted death by cheese puffs, and I gave it to you. Bye!

Kazuki: No, wait! I don't want to be prodded! (Somehow miraculously escapes, and bites the cheese puffs to death) I'm all-powerful! ACK!

Pikachu: (Imitating Porky Pig) Ebb- bada- ebb- baba- ebb- a that's all folks!


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